Last Christmas

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears,
I’ll give it to someone special.

It’s true last year you gave to me your heart, George.
Though frankly it was really quite unpleasant.
It was a soggy, gooey mess
In a Tesco bag, no less.
Earrings would have made a nicer present.

On Stephen’s Day I gave your heart away, George.
We still had half a turkey and some ham.
Did you expect that I
Would go and put it in a fry?
What kind of person do you think I am?

The dog’s home was so grateful for your heart, George.
They seldom get a chance to taste raw meat.
Does it not hold some appeal
To know they ate a ‘hearty’ meal?
(Though your kidneys would have been a nicer treat)

There’s no-one special this year, Georgie, is there?
Else why not write a song to her, not me?
Ok, last year I was miffed
By your bloodied Christmas gift –
So this year, choose a bit more carefully.