Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The three kings

Reading, ‘riting, ‘rithmetic -
The three wise kings weren’t pushed.
“Give me bright stars
O’er those three Rs,”
King Balthazar once gushed.

Of course, they’d other interests
Aside from astral plotting,
Yoghurt making,
Yeast-based baking
And yes, a bit of yachting.

Yoghurt, Yeast and Yachting?
‘Twas not surprising then,
The trio came
To lasting fame
For being three Ys men.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Little robin redbreast

Little robin redbreast
sitting on the fence,
chirruping his tuneful song
though the snow is dense.

Hark! His song has altered
to a plaintive bleat –
little robin redbreast
cannot move his feet.

Last Christmas

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears,
I’ll give it to someone special.

It’s true last year you gave to me your heart, George.
Though frankly it was really quite unpleasant.
It was a soggy, gooey mess
In a Tesco bag, no less.
Earrings would have made a nicer present.

On Stephen’s Day I gave your heart away, George.
We still had half a turkey and some ham.
Did you expect that I
Would go and put it in a fry?
What kind of person do you think I am?

The dog’s home was so grateful for your heart, George.
They seldom get a chance to taste raw meat.
Does it not hold some appeal
To know they ate a ‘hearty’ meal?
(Though your kidneys would have been a nicer treat)

There’s no-one special this year, Georgie, is there?
Else why not write a song to her, not me?
Ok, last year I was miffed
By your bloodied Christmas gift –
So this year, choose a bit more carefully.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The perfect Christmas present

I hoped she didn’t think it was sarcastic –
My Christmas gift to poor one legged Cilla.
“An artificial leg!” she cried, “Fantastic!”
“Aw shucks,” I said. “It’s just a stocking filler.”

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Highly decorated

It has a knighthood strung out large across its branches.
Upon the top, it wears its MBE.
There’s a giant Maltese Cross
Behind the fairy lights because
It’s a highly decorated Christmas tree.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

A recessionary Christmas

This Christmas, we’ll save what we’ve got,
Keep on the straight and narrow.
There’ll be no turkey in the pot –
I hope you like roast sparrow.

The North Pole says the elves
Have all been made redundant
And so we’ll make the cards ourselves
And toys won’t be abundant.

Presents, such as they will be,
Will come wrapped in The Sun,
The Great Escape will start at three
And end at three oh one.

The Christmas tree will be replaced
By sprig of pyracantha
And thriftiness will be embraced
By banning talk of Santa.

Impoverished, we’ll proudly stand
With Jesus in the stall,
For its acknowledged cross the land
That we have got shag all.